i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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