how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
