drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
