Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
