Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
