I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
