I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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