His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
