My underwear smells like fireworks.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
