maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
