i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you traded sex for a burrito?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
