I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize