"it" just moved
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
