do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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