you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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