I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's blow job season.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize