You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need to calm my uterus...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize