Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
FUCK WHALES
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
