I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
