Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Will you blow on my dice?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
