And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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