exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
