He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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