he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
