i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
