goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am naked and annoyed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
