She's JV to your varsity
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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