dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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