This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
