So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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