My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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