i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
