i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
