Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i drank out of a bidet.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
