dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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