Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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