it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
