Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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