He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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