I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
