why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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