Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I supernannyed him into submission
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
