I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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