My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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