so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
