He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
