Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
