Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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