Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
