I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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