A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This is classic penis vs brain.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
