I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
