in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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