i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
