When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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