I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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