Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
