sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
