Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
