Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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