The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
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