maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
