I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
