are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just pee around me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
