Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
