Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
