She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
